I've never really shared a hook or anything on this blog, because I'm entirely too afraid of rejection to be in this business, so I'm putting my pride aside and posting my hook line for book 2 to see what people think.
I figured since my blog friend Jessie did, I could as well.
So here it goes:
In order to become a defender of Archgille, Oliver must rescue a damsel in distress, but when he is assigned dragon rescue, he knows the girl he’s loved his whole life is going to die.
So there seems to be some debate on the phrase "when he is assigned..."
I did have "when he draws..."
how about "when he selects..." or "when he pulls..."
Any thoughts.
There I did it. Whew.
Now onto other news. Roni Griffin and Julie Cross are having a great contest for critiques and books. If you're interested in either head on over.
13 comments:
Kudos to you for putting yourself out there! :)
I'm a little confused about "draws dragon rescue." Like he draws it from a bunch of tasks as the one he must complete?
Sorry if that's a stupid question. It's late and my brain is mush.
It's hard to put your ideas out there, but you do not need to fear rejection. It's very good-succinct and intriguing. We can still be friends. Now for those contests...
Karen: I think I'll change it to assigned, thanks for the comment.
Jessie: You were my inspiration.
Wow. I really like that. Sounds like a great book! "Assigned" might be better but I like 'draws' too. It has more of your 'voice'.
And does she really have to die?
Oh boy! I'd read this book :)
I hope he saves the girl.
The hardest part is doing it. You'll do great. Good luck!
Dragons! Damsels! Love! Sounds like it has everything it needs to make it fantabulous! And you told the whole hook in a very brief space. Great job!! I'm still working on that, but you've got it down.
And I like the word "draws." It paints a picture of random picking from a hat - the holding his breath, squeezing his eyes, reaching in and hoping he gets something easy and instead gets something he knows is beyond him... There's a whole scene in that word.
Assigned sounds more like sitting in class and the teacher gives it out. It's more passive.
But that's my own opinion... in any case... sounds awesome!
The whole idea of rescuing a dragon is fun!
Thanks for the comments everyone and I think I like draws better to, or maybe something like that. Thanks for the suggestions.
Love it...except for one thing.
To me hooks most intrigue when they end with a question, whether literally or just an open scenario.
Like Will his choice lead to the death of...
Just me, probably.
Otherwise, WOW, girl!!!
Patti
I think this is a really great hook; it's intiguing and it makes you want to know more - like, why will the girl he loves die because he is assigned dragon rescue? and Who is this damsel in distress?
And that's the whole point of a good hook, to grab a reader's attention and make them want to read the book. In this aspect, I think you nailed it.
Now, I agree with others that I'm not sure I like the word "assigned". I agree with Heidi, I think "draws" might be a better word choice. I think it would just make the sentence a little stronger.
But otherwise, I think you did a great job!
Thanks for weighing in Jessica.
Thanks for linking to our contest!
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