Thursday, January 13, 2011

Now that's what I call a simile - or a metaphor!!!

My sister in law sent these to me earlier this week and I just had to share. I thought maybe some of you could use them in novels.

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one ofthose boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

There's more, but I'll save those until next Friday.

Alright I had to put one more in:

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph

Have a good weekend.

15 comments:

Heidi Willis said...

Those are SOOOOO funny!!!

I know they're really bad, but I have to say that a lot of thought and creativity went into those. At least they aren't cliches!! :)

Mim said...

Too funny! Thanks for making my Friday morning!

Laura Pauling said...

Those were funny! Thanks for sharing.

Angela Felsted said...

Thanks for the laugh. :)

Susan R. Mills said...

Ha! Thanks for the laugh.

The Happy Whisk said...

I've read ones like these before and they are a crack up. Great stuff. Perfect Friday post. Thanks for sharing.

Carolyn V. said...

Hee hee. Those are awesome!

Robyn Campbell said...

AHAHAHAHAHA I needed to laugh. Thanks, Patti. Too hilarious for words. Love yours girl.

Melissa Marsh said...

Haha - those are great!

Holly Ruggiero said...

Those are pretty good - some too funny.

Terri Tiffany said...

These are Laugh-out-loud funny!!

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

I agree. I laughed out loud. The real kind. Not the LOL where you don't really laugh kind.

Thanks for sharing. :)

Melissa Gill said...

OMG those are too funny. Thanks for these Patti

Janna Qualman said...

They're great! And I must be tired, because #10 makes me laaaauuuuugh. :)

Carol Riggs said...

Oh, YES, those are too great. Made me smile very hugeously. :D Someone--a bunch of someones--has great imaginations!